It has been raining for more than 2 weeks now.
What can be noted on the plus side of walking in the rain every day all day long…? Well, there‘s lots😄: one becomes an expert for rain gear and truly discovers what works and does keep your stuff (and body) dry and what doesn‘t. Furthermore, the trails are less frequented, most of the time one gets to walk all alone… and last, but not least – and this one seems to be the main theme here – one gets to really appreciate a heated room, dry clothes, a warm shower, a hot drink… the basics, the simple life – simple, warm and preferably a bit clean.
And if you’ve followed my posts a bit, you’ll have read about the bedbug bites.
There is a way to decontaminate yourself and all your stuff – all you need is a dryer, it will kill the bedbugs.
So that‘s what I did, I even put my backpack in there, the rain cover, the poncho, the raincoat, all the little bags for storage of tiny stuff, even my crogs (which unfortunately didn‘t survive the heat and shrank) – everything.
And all was good in (or under) the hood for 2 days. The old bites started to heal and started to stop itching.
Except that this decontamination procedure doesn’t protect you from getting NEW bites from supposedly different bedbugs.
It happened to one of the lads I sometimes see in the same albergues before it happened to me… last night, I could feel them bite again…but what to do? Me, I cannot afford to stay in expensive, bug free places all the time, neither do I have the time or the money to go to a launderette every day…
I was tempted to call it quits today.
And all this terrible itching!
People you always meet every single day, even though you may not wish to…
All the other aches, pains and complaints.
So many reasons to quit.
Just like in “regular life”.
I was thinking, I could leave here and go to a nice place and get some sun and comfort before I have to go back to the place and to the job I never wanted to return to.
Then it occurred to me!
I have been chasing a better life all my life, have been pursuing a better career, have been trying to find a man who would be a man of god and meet all the other criteria, have wracked my brain to find a solution about what and how I could work for GOD… and here, I have put all this effort in optimizing my gear, reducing the weight I am carrying every day, buying stuff, going through all these procedures to get rid of the bugs…
Neither here, nor at home, nor anywhere else will I succeed in anything, will I have any comfort, will I find or experience anything good, will I be clean, safe and healthy or happy…
UNLESS HE wants me to.
Unless HE will grant me a good life.
If HE won’t hear my prayers, nothing in my life will change for the better – no matter what I do – it is all up to HIM.
And it also occurred to me that while I am chasing, I am not waiting, I am not practicing faith.
Plus, even if I got everything I have been running after, I would still not be happy, because what I really want is HIM, JESUS, my saviour!
It all seems to come down to this.
It all seems to be the same lesson over and over, in all areas, repeated until I get it.
And I did get it.
No parasite (physical or spiritual!!) will leave, no condition improve, until I will stop striving with HIM.
Seems as if I had strived with my maker all my life – with all I tried, learned and did. And it is true what the bible says, of course it is, once again is it true!
Isaiah 45: 9-12
Woe to him that striveth with his maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioned it, What makest thou? or thy work, He hath no hands? Woe to him that saith to his father, what begettest thou? or to the woman, What hast thou brought forth? Thus saith the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker, Ask me of things to come concerning my sons, and concerning the work of my hands command ye me.
I have made the earth, and created man upon it: I, even my hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their host have I commanded.
What do I know???
And I will.
And I won’t!
So another act, committment and decision to complete surrender.
I will let them bite now, will let it itch… Will let it rain… will let things go the way they need to… will work the job I have to, return to the only “home” I have…
Will I be able to like it?
But I totally got that there is nothing I can do about it.
Until HE does.
Running around and doing, fighting and chasing won’t get me anywhere, won’t change anything.
I will dig deeper instead.
Deeper into HIS word.
To what HE says.
Stop chasing after (better) people, after better conditions, after life itself.
Wait for life to come and find ME.
And a good, fulfilling job.
And a little comfort.
In the rain…
Father, today I pray that all the goodness that you have for me will come and find me, that my life will be as full, rich, healthy and happy as YOU want it to be. Not only my life, but also the life of everyone reading this. Your will be done. In JESUS‘ name I pray. Amen.