Friends, I added up the amount of kilometers I’ve walked so far for THE LORD during the past few weeks… more than 650… not saying this to brag about it, on the contrary, it is still hard, very hard – and that’s something I am not proud about at all!
I am progressing very, very slowly. In regards to kilometers and also in regards to spiritual growth.
Even though there is some degree of getting used to it, to all the physical pain, to all the other hardships which come with the “camino” package – and as far as I can see, this is a spiritual bootcamp for everyone! – the fact that it is still SO hard tells me how much I need to walk more!
I do have moments of submission, of total humility and of complete surrender to GOD, I do have moments when I totally get how HE is in control of
in my life
in all lives
Moments when I HAVE the peace, HIS peace, the real deal. When I am filled with HIS peace… when I know that
of what is, ever was or ever will be upsetting, unsettling, bothering, annoying, hurting or harming me – that none of that truly matters, never has, never will.
My favoritest moments!!!!
I also still have LOTS of moments when I am arguing. When I am wanting, claiming, murmuring, threatening (ridiculous, I know!) whining, yelling, kicking, screaming, crying………. hating……. tantrum………..
It seems like they are fighting each other – like the flesh and the spirit, so I seem to be walking in the flesh or in the spirit and it is like Paul describes it in
Galatians 5: 16-26
16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
and actually, I hope this IS true, because I can see how my flesh is getting crucified – by me! – again and more and in a different way then when I did the more than 50 days Daniel fast… and I hope and pray that this will be some sort of therapy against all kinds of nuisances of life – for instance, now, since this morning, there are bed bug bites all over my body – never have I felt an itching like this before! Before that, I had a yeast infection – all itching side effects of the poor hygiene conditions here on the camino… sore or strained muscles, blisters (I thank GOD that HE has spared me those!) colds, various parasites, you name it, it is all here, live and in HD😆
Plus this is costing much more than I thought and also a lot more than I believe it should.
The comfort in all albergues is basic to very basic.
Yet, the prices are sometimes low according to what they provide, and sometimes they are way too high.
Also, there are different kinds of hospitality and one encounters all extremes! From viewing pilgrims as tourists and money cash cows to hospitaleros with a real heart for pilgrims, all there.
Even the new agy guru types!
In one private albergue, there was a woman who set off all my witch-alarm-warning-detectors and there was not only a huge dragon painted on the building where the pilgrims were sleeping, but even did she offer reikhi sessions! The albergue was rather newly built and everyne staying there was expected to have dinner in their restaurant as well . When I didn’t, they turned off the heat for the night and it was freezing cold (2-3 degrees Celsius!).
And last night, the albergue where I stayed was run by a muslim who called himself a priest and called his albergue the university of life and the camino the way of life, and there was a little “chapel” on the grounds with paintings on the wall where they had changed biblical scenes into scenes where pilgrims interact with JESUS!!! pure blasphemy!!! And guess what: all the other pilgrims loved it! And the “priest” gave a speech after dinner about the “University of life” and how we should donate… not quite sure for which cause, but I saw more “volunteers” living there than pilgrims…like I said, all here, no need to go anywhere else…
So I am waiting.
Waiting for the spirit to besiege and defeat the flesh, for the flesh and my ego and my doubts to die and for CHRIST to completely win me over, to totally consume and posses me, every fibre of my being, to drive the enemy OUT – once and for all!
Waiting for JESUS to be with me, in me, all over me, all there – and for the enemy to be all gone!
Waiting for me to not wait and want any longer.
Waiting til I will have enough faith to simply walk.
Put one foot in front of the other.
Walk and trust and have faith.
Here or elsewhere.
Walk to Santiago de Compostella or to the grocery store or to work or to church – no difference… wouldn’t that be something??
Watching myself and all the others involved.
What I do, what they do, what they aim for, how they aim for what they are aiming for – and again, the “who” seems to stand out and to be essential: who are they walking or working for? And who is walking with them? And who am I walking with and for – clearly it is GOD I came here for and I love to spend so much time with HIM and for HIM, even though I am not yet always 100% “there” and even though the progress I am making is very slow – just like the pace with which I move about the country (in case you were wondering, I make between 3 and 4km per hour), it IS very special and it DOES feel like bonding time with THE FATHER, so I believe HE has accepted my offering…
It is sad to see what the others do though and who they walk for and with…and at the same time, it brings me peace – while they are not only walking alone, without protection or salvation, but even walking on the road to perdition, no matter where they ever go, it shows me that I will ALWAYS be safe, held and that for me and my path, there is only one possible destination:
I am walking HOME.
To my FATHER.
Bedbug bites, freezing, soaked, sore muscles or not…
I noticed myself becoming more obvious and expressive about my reason for being here and about my faith in OUR LORD.
Who knows, perhaps I can take a brother or a sister home with me, show them the way to THE LORD…?
Now THAT would be something, wouldn’t it?
Friends, I hope and pray that this would inspire, heal or amuse you. And that THE LORD may bless you richly in all areas of your life, that HE may keep you and shine HIS face upon you. In JESUS’ name I pray. Amen.